


October 12th

by steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb



Series: Ficlets [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Miscarriage, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:37:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb/pseuds/steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was there, and then he wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	October 12th

He was there, and then he wasn’t.

For a while it was difficult to look at the ultrasounds, to see the little hands and feet and not think about what could have been. Or to feel Bobbi’s lower belly and not feel the lump that meant the little guy was tucked away and cozy. That was the hardest part for Clint, and the first night he could no longer find that lump he was on the floor in tears begging God or any other deity that listened to bring his little one back. He begged and he pleaded and cried until his voice was hoarse and he was muttering to himself, half delirious. 

He was surprised but he looked forward to it. Other people didn’t deserve kids, his own father didn’t deserve the two he accidentally created. But the first time Clint saw the little guy on the screen he swore he would be the best dad in the world to him, that he would do anything and everything for the little man that he possibly could. And yet when Bobbi looked him in the eye and told him the little guy stopped growing, that his tiny heart just became too small and could not keep up with the rest of him, Clint felt as though he failed. The little guy had a name and a room and even a crib halfway completed. But none of it mattered anymore.

He was there, and then he wasn’t.

The night before, Clint laid his hand against her belly and talked to the little guy as if he were already there. They watched a baseball game while Bobbi flipped through a science magazine. Twelve hours later Clint was nearly hyperventilating in a doctor’s office trying to figure out what just happened. For two minutes Bobbi’s face lit up as the doctor probed her abdomen, looking at his little hands and feet, as well as his oversized head that Clint poked fun at once or twice. Then her smile quickly faded when she couldn’t hear his little heartbeat. The doctor said a mouthful of crap Clint no way in Hell understood, and Bobbi took his hand and explained it much more clearly.

He was there, and then he wasn’t.

A team of doctors took his little boy two days later. Clint never saw him, neither did Bobbi. Neither wanted to see themselves in their little boy. From his ultrasounds they could tell he had his mommy’s high forehead, his daddy’s sharp nose and chin. But Clint was in the room with her, and told her over and over again with his hand in hers, “just look at me, baby. Just look at me and it’ll all be over.” In fact the doctors were done in less than an hour. The doctors asked if they wanted a birth certificate for him, and Clint said no. Clint remembered everything about his little boy, he didn’t need a piece of paper. Nicholas Phillip Barton, 11 inches long, and 14 ounces.

He was there, and then he wasn’t.


End file.
